I'm 18 years old, and I've never moved in my life. The closest thing I've ever done to "moving" is hauling all of my crap from one bedroom to another when my parents decided to add on to our house.
Now, I'm leaving for college. On Saturday, I will take all of my boxes, random bits of furniture, and far too many suitcases (full of clothing) into downtown Portland, up two flights of stairs, and into the new room that I will call home.
You see, I've always been extremely spoiled. I have one sibling, and I've never had to share a room. In fact, my current bedroom is ginormous--large enough to fit a king sized bed, a futon, and a handful of other furniture while still offering a great deal of open floor space. All of this, and I've only ever shared it with my wildly obese cat. Now I'm moving in with someone that I've met a total of three times in my life. Don't get me wrong, I love my new roommate, but I'm going from never having shared my space with anyone to sharing an even smaller space with someone I don't even know.
Surprisingly though, this isn't what bothers me about moving at all. In fact, this might be the most exciting part. What bothers me is the fact that I'm leaving my family and the house that has been my home for 18 years for strangers in a city that I both love and fear. It's not like I'm far from home--45 minutes to an hour--but 27 miles might as well be 2,700 if it means that I will rarely get to see the faces of my mother, father and brother.
Again, I'm being dramatic. I can go home whenever I want. My brother is about to accept a job downtown. He'll be right out my back door four days a week. My parents both work close to the city, and the MAX train takes me right to them if I want it to. So I suppose there's nothing to worry about.
So why am I so upset? It's hard to explain. I guess I'm just terrified by the idea of growing up. In elementary, junior high, and high school, college was just an abstract idea. I never really thought about what it would be like when I got there. Here it is, though. And now I'm thinking about what happens after I get my degree. Will I be able to handle medical school? Am I even going to be able to handle a major in Biology? How will a husband or kids ever fit into my academic and career plans? All of these fears and I'm still only 18. There are also the more immediate fears. Will I make friends at school? What if I don't? Also, what happens if ballet classes and performing get in the way of studying?
There are so many things related to my childhood that I'm just not ready to give up on. In packing, I've already added my stuffed cow collection to the many items accompanying me to school. I recently bought a Disney Princess poster, and the most recent DVD added to my collection was Beauty and the Beast. Regardless of the amazing classics I have read and loved in recent years, my favorite books remain those written by J.K. Rowling, even when I accept that the writing is terrible. I'm still a child at heart and I know it. But maybe I'll meet others like me who love video games, still think anything Star Wars related is epic, cry every time they watch the Lion King, and secretly wish for Barbies every Christmas. All I can do is keep my chin up and my heart open. :) Maybe good things are coming.
